This is new. This is horrible. I had a little crush on a friend before the flirting, when I thought there was a certain concrete barrier against ever acting on it. We’d been flirtatious, sending and getting spicy material, being emotionally vulnerable together. We had the ‘what are we’ talk. A few wires were crossed,…
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Always The Fool With The Slowest Heart
Okay. I admit it. This was nothing. I’ve always carried the momentum. I was given intermittent reinforcement. I did all of the daydreaming. I was and still am one of many. I will never be what he wants. I deserve more. I deserve better. I deserve to be wanted and prioritized. I deserve reciprocity. An…
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Maybe One More Try?
….Okay, listen. LISTEN. He added me back, the morning after the Halloween party. Mr. N. I had no intention of giving in. In fact, I was very firm and cold the first few days. A little theatrical, but what do we expect at this point. I was already honestly thinking of meeting up with him…
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Living
I’ve been trying to get out of my shell and live a little. I accepted a Halloween party invite in Leavenworth from one of the girls in the server. I was nervous for so many reasons. I’m still fighting my fears of being in a car for a long time, and it was an hour…
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Tarot Never Lies
Man. I have to stop doing this. When is the last time I fell for someone quickly? It’s been a long while, but I felt the danger immediately this time. All I could think, and nearly “confessed” in the server was ‘This is going to hurt like hell once it ends’. I even told my…
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Reprogram
For a long, long time, I thought I was always the way I was and would be. Maybe interests will pop in and out, maybe I will superficially change my shell, but at my core, I am my habits. I will always be and have the same core defining traits. That view is finally changing.…
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PowerHennaPoint
This weekend dragged on and flew by, all at once. Mom came by and cut D and my hair. I usually don’t take her up on free haircuts because I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking advantage of her, but I needed it. I mostly bed rotted up until the dentist’s appointment on…
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Potato & Montenegro
The neighbors gave us a whole box of potatoes. Sometimes I love living in the middle of nowhere. It was basically white when I washed it. I didn’t expect that. I weighed it, googled how to microwave that weight of potato, and it was dinner~ Today was good, all in all. I went in at…
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Oversharer – Pt 1
The most interesting things about me are my tragedies. I’m trying to change that by building experiences, but truly, my life has been a fucked-up Forrest Gump of things that should all separately happen to one person at most in a lifetime. I’m well past the point that these memories hurt; they’re just fascinating in…
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Chocolooney
Another Sunday of considering sleeping in but pushing through. My morning coffee was once again plagued with temptation to sing and dance in public, but thankfully, the room was empty when I did my lil jig… For lunch, I went to get my meds, but the pharmacy was closed. The server had me craving cake…