I’m a healthy weight, but look no different otherwise.
My house is clean. Organized. Accessible, full of things I love and enjoy, but tidy.
I own my home. Nothing crazy. 2 bedrooms, an office for my work and reading nook, a walk in pantry in the kitchen, a fireplace, and a garden. A hammock under a tree for good weather naps. A catio for my two satanic fluffballs.
I go to an activity of some sort once a week. I’m friends with most people in the scene, but it’s very low pressure.
I regularly go to the coffee shop to work on my hobbies and career growth. They recognize me, and I, them. I live right down the road, so it’s an easy and enjoyable walk.
In the summer, I go hiking alone and it’s safe. No anxieties from OCD popping up. Just me, nature, my camera, and a picnic. I even work in camping solo here and there.
I work a regular 9-5, I sleep a healthy amount while still being able to decompress and enjoy my evenings, and cook a healthy meal. In the mornings, I have time to stretch on my yoga mat, have a cup of tea, and go on a walk before getting ready for work.
A few times a year, I travel somewhere unexplored. One by train, another by plane. A state and a country, preferably. No strict agendas, just soaking in the environment, enjoying the food, and taking pictures.
I’m debt free. Since my weight is stable, I no longer need to change wardrobe so often. I have a pretty simple soft autumn closet and I’m content with it.
I suppose my trauma runs so deep, that I can’t even daydream about a partner easily- but I’ll try.
They are kind and considerate. The kind of person to ask if I want a drink when they pass by, or surprise me with flowers and a treat occasionally. They offer to help with things, or take tasks off my plate and do them well without me knowing. Sex isn’t a huge factor for us. We go on our own solo adventures, but enjoy our joint adventures, too. They have their own hobbies and friends, but we share some. Time apart doesn’t feel sad or forced. We are our own people who care about each other deeply, adding to each other’s lives instead of taking or fully depending. Forgiveness comes easy because bad intentions are unimaginable. Communication is vulnerable, open, and soft.
I suppose achieving this would only take a few years of buckling down. Maybe not the partner.. I do have low faith that people want what I do in earnest. Even without a partner, I could always adopt and give a kid a good life, too.
Surviving this metamorphosis is going to take a lot of romanticizing the mundane,
but maybe that was the point all along.
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